Real Phunny
by J. Maria
Summary: Dawn was living the Mundane life, until the Key's powers opened her up to an entirely new world that was anything but mundane. xover with Piers Anthony's Xanth Series
1. Mundania

Title: Real Phunny

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Joss Whedon and Piers Anthony own all.

Spoilers: On the safe side - up to _Harpy Thyme_ and post season seven

Summary: Dawn was living the Mundane life, until the Key's powers opened her up to an entirely new world that was anything _but _mundane.

A/N: Okay, so I have the first twenty-five Xanth novels (from _A Spell for Chameleon _to _Swell Foop_) but I haven't read all of them - I've read _Spell. . ., Centaur Aisle, NightMare, Dragon on a Pedestal, Vale of the Vole _ through _ Harpy. . ._ and _Xone of Contention_ and _The Dastard_ (I think I read _Up in a Heavel_, but I'm not a hundred percent sure on that). Xanth is Piers Anthony's fascinating world where puns are literal, there's interspecies breeding, and everyone gets a magic talent (unless you're Bink). It's a fun series to read, and you don't necessarily have to read it from _Spell _(The first one I read was _Isle of View_, which is book 13 in the series, then read _Centaur Aisle_ which is book 4) Anyway, I was finishing up book 17 (_Harpy) _and I got bit by Edgar - who's been kinda eerily quiet lately. So here's my humble crossing of Xanth and the Buffy verse. Hope you like it.

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Real Phunny

1. Mundania

Dawn Summers sighed heavily as she tried to think of a way to wait out the morning's blistering heat. She didn't want to watch television, all that was on were infomercials. She lacked the energy to flip on her laptop Willow and Xander had given her for her birthday, and she wasn't hungry. Buffy was out touring with Giles, the Immortal, and some of the junior slayers. Faith was out doing her normal thing, whatever that was. Xander and Willow were out of the country, and that left Andrew. Dawn shook her head. Nope, there was nothing to do but veg out on the couch.

She slumped back down and let out a sharp cry as something hard poked her in the back. She reached behind herself and stared at the offending literature that was jammed between two cushions. There were scantily clad women and people in medieval looking outfits. What the hell was this? And why was it shoved between the cushions? It wasn't all that odd to find books just lying around anywhere. She'd once found a Stephen King novel in the freezer because it scared Andrew. Dawn peered at the cover. One of them kinda looked like her - except she was in a funky looking outfit. She read the cover of the book.

"Piers Anthony. Never heard of him. A Xanth novel?" She muttered to herself. "_In Keyes_. Weird title." Dawn flipped the book over and read the summary.

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In Mundania, there was a girl who was anything but Mundane. Through chance and meddling demons, she finds herself in Xanth, where nothing is mundane. With the help of her new friends, will the girl who has a thousand keys find the right one to and finally be In Keyes?

All this talk about keys was kinda making her nervous, but still Dawn was bored and she flipped the cover open. She winced in pain as a drop of blood fell from her fingertip from the painful paper cut. She immediately popped the finger in her mouth and stared at the blood stained page. She read the first line.

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It began with a paper cut.

Clio blinked in surprise at the words she'd found herself putting down. Interesting. Apparently, not even the Muse of History knew everything. She half wondered if all was really mundane in Mundania. She smiled. Well, not everything.

Dawn blinked as she found herself deep in the middle of a very odd looking forest. She remembered green light flashing, and for some weird reason thinking that someone had Avada Kedavra'd her. Then she remembered that that only happened in Harry Potter books. She blinked. Book. _Green _light.

"It began with a paper cut." she said, smacking herself in the head.

"What did?" A girl's voice said from behind her.

"Where am I? Who are you? _Please_ tell me it has nothing to do with a world without shrimp or the apocalypse?"

"You're in Xanth." The girl said slowly, as if Dawn had lost her mind.

"I'm where?"

"Xanth."

"Oh boy."


	2. Seaira Alandra

Title: Real Phunny

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Piers Anthony own all. Except Seaira.

Spoilers: On the safe side - up to _Harpy Thyme_ and post season seven

Summary: Dawn was living the Mundane life, until the Key's powers opened her up to an entirely new world that was anything _but _mundane.

A/N: Like the title? The character in question is named after my oldest niece. She's got a cool name, and one of the oddest names in our family (says the girl with a sister named Joelle). Her younger siblings are named Samantha and Joseph. I'm glad everyone's enjoying the story so far!

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2. Seaira Alandra

The girl took one step back. She should have never opened her eyes. How many times had her mother told her that? But did she ever _really_ listen? No, because she was a teenager, and teenagers are a special breed (no matter _what_ species they happen to be) that hear a humming noise in their ears whenever adults (keepers of the dread Conspiracy) tell them what they should be doing. The girl in question, however, should have known better.

Dawn pushed herself off the ground, and took in her new surroundings. Her surroundings included a tall girl about her age, with long brown hair and a pair of glasses. The girl looked as dirty as she did.

"I'm Dawn Summers."

"Hello, I'm Seaira Alandra."

"Cool name."

"No, it's really not," she said glumly, brushing the dirt off of her pants.

"Huh?" Dawn asked.

"It describes my talent, and I hate my talent." Seaira plopped herself down on a nearby tree stump.

"Your talent?"

"Yes. My mother couldn't name me for days after the stork delivered me."

"When the what delivered you?"

"When the stork delivered me. Whenever I closed my eyes, I'd float up to the ceiling. But whenever I open them, I plummet back to the ground," Seaira sighed. "So my mother gave me a name that would serve as a warning. I see air and I land."

"Wow. That's fairly freaksome."

"Yeah, too bad I couldn't get a nice, safe talent."

"Wait, so everybody here has some magic gift that helps them get through life?" Dawn asked curiously.

"Yes. What's your talent?"

"Well, I guess I open portals to other dimensions, but only when I bleed." Dawn tried to stop herself, but the words just slipped out of her mouth without warning.

"Well, that's, er, unusual." Seaira didn't know what to say, so she decided to keep her mouth shut.

"So, you live around here?"

"Oh, no! My village is to the north. I'm on a quest, actually."

"A quest?" Dawn tried to keep her suspicion low.

"Yes. To fix my talent and well, become a Major Character."

"A what?"

"A Major Character. Nothing devastating ever happens to them, most of them fall madly in love, and well, they get let in on the Adult Conspiracy," Seaira babbled, her light blue eyes shining with all the excitement of a fangirl.

"Okay, let it on what?"

"The Adult Conspiracy - when you learn how to summon the stork, and do things the adults say you can't. Where did you say you were from?"

"Um, the USA."

"The usa? Where's that?"

"Well, you'd call it Mundania."

"Oooh. Like Magician Grey!"

"Like who?"

"Never mind, it'll take too long to explain." Seaira sighed.

Dawn bit at her lip. How in the hell had she landed in this weird place? Better yet, how could she get home.

"How did this Magician Grey get home again?"

"Oh, he didn't. He married Princess Ivy and they have three daughters."

"He couldn't go home?"

"Well, not back to Mundania."

"How do I get back then? Who the & can tell me?" Dawn snapped. Seaira stared at her wide-eyed. "Did weird looking symbols just come out of my mouth instead of the swear word I tried to say?"

"Yes."

"$&!"

"Exactly. Oh, I have an idea!" Seaira clapped her hands excitedly. "You can come with me to ask the Good Magician Humphrey's help."

"The what now?"

"Good Magician Humphrey. He can tell you how to get home, and you'll only have to give him a year's service as payment," Seaira winced at Dawn's screech.

"A YEAR?"


End file.
